Saddest Thing In The World
by ReginaRiverMayHill
Summary: Two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers. Perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world- Warsan Shire, Based off this quote. Avengers and Agents of SHIELD. Each Chapter is a one-shot. Current Chapters are- Philinda, CaptainHill
1. Philinda-Oh, How I Love to Fly

A mission down had found the city, in all it's glorious ruins.

He teased her, saying she was secretly looking forward to it. She always loved exploring ruins.

She rolled her eyes and looked back out to the sky.

She always loved flying too.

She once told him, in a spurt of confidence that flying was all she wanted to do when she was a child. Whenever they moved, when her father died, when her mother was attacked, when life got bad she just wanted to fly.

She told him that just before she went to Bahrain.

She was a newlywed then, Trevor and her were as happy as could be.

But then she went on that mission with Trevor. A year into their op they got divorced. Her emotions were all messed up; she wasn't thinking straight and she ran into that facility to rescue the girl. But then she didn't run out. She stayed, and then one day, according to everyone, six months later she walked out.

She walked into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s headquarters, straight up to Maria's desk and sat down. Stained the chair with blood too. And never said a word of what happened to anyone. Except her mother, Maria and of course her daughter. But not him. She couldn't tell him.

Now, here on the marble floor of the temple underneath beautiful alien paintings, she bled out.

Red spilling across colours of yellow and blue and orange. Spilling from the wound in her right side and from her head which had hit the ground and bled.

It hurt, hurt like hell but so did many things. Like losing Phil.

The man who shot, the disoriented man who claimed Skye as his own looked down in panic. She had startled him and yelled obscene things to him. He had shot her in defense.

"You're lying. There is not another one. I would have felt it. I would have felt another one" he rambled on to her, kneeling next to her, smoothing the hair back from her face.

Sweat covered his face but she looked into his eyes and saw regret and fear. Fear of himself.

That's what she had learned when he lured her into that warehouse in Bahrain with Raina. He feared himself. He knew he was the reason S.H.I.E.L.D, actually a H.Y.D.R.A. division of S.H.I.E.L.D. killed his wife and took his daughter.

A tear slipped down his cheek and his face tightened like he had bitten into a lemon.

"She's 12. She loves kittens and-" a small smile graced her features as she stared at the ceiling. If her last thoughts could be one of one person, they would be of her daughter. The one person who had always had faith in her.

"She's the only good thing you gave me" she drew in a rattling breath. The team swam in her eyes as she lost feelings below her waist. The pain was fading now, fading far away. Maybe it was going where she was, maybe it was going the other way. Maybe she could really fly away this time.

"You got me drunk, you took advantage of me just get answers about your daughter. And then you didn't come back" she started taking more and more breaths in as her heartbeat accelerated and she became more distressed. These memories were anything but happy.

She never wanted him around her daughter but looking at her baby girl and knowing her daughter's father would always have a preferred child because Skye came from his wife. Qinna Xue came from a woman who worked with the people who killed his wife. She was just a tool he slept with when they were both drunk to find his daughter.

"Instead they came and they hurt me. All because you kidnapped me. Then they stopped and they locked me up because" she started to cry and her breaths became more and more jagged. The pain was coming back.

She saw Phil's face behind his shoulder. Phil was crying. He can be such a baby sometimes. Crying, always crying. She only cried once. Only when she lost him. Lost Phil.

Jab. Jab. Jab.

"They wanted to keep me until she was born. They knew what she was. Why didn't you come back? I know you didn't love me, I don't love you but if you had come back, just for a moment . . ." her eyes fluttered shut.

_If you had come back for a moment I wouldn't have gone through hell. _

Everything faded away.

She thought dying would be more peaceful or more painful.

She thought dying would be more poetic.

In a way it was almost a disappointment.

4 muggy faces over her body.

Coulson, Skye, her mother, and Qinna Xue?

A panic broke out through her. No one should know about Qinna Xue, especially her team.

"Qinna?" she whispered, her voice cracking.

Everyone looked over, surprise as bright as day on their faces.

"Coulson! She's awake!" Skye yelled and tears of joy were streaming down her face. "Oh my god. You're alive!"

"Mama?" Qinna asked as she gently approached the bed. Her mother put her hands on Qinna's shoulders.

"Hey, baby" she said to her 12 year old daughter.

The only person still sitting was Phil.

"I'm gonna go get Simmons!" Skye said and hurried out of the room, sensing the awkwardness but also excited.

"And we'll go get you something to eat, right Qinna Xue?" her mother said, narrowing her eyes at her daughter. She obviously did not approve she had not told Phil about Qinna Xue.

"Alright" Qinna said happily and reached in to whisper something into her ear.

She smiled and nodded as she watched her daughter go off.

Silence haunted the room for a couple minutes.

"She's beautiful." Phil said and she raised her eyes to look at him. He didn't look well.

"Phil, I'm sorry, I-"

"Let me finish" he said quietly and her heart sunk at his tone. He was pushing her away. He had the right to, she pushed him away for so long.

"And she makes you happy. Truly happy. Like I was never able to"

She was silent like her word.

"That's all I ever wanted for you, to be happy. I just don't understand how he could make you happy and not me? I did everything I possibly could and he kidnaps you but somehow he is still better than me?"

"Phil . . ."

"I don't understand, I just, I, how, why not me? When you came back from Bahrain you cut all ties with me. I missed you Melinda. It hurt like hell. And a week ago, when you took that bullet I almost lost you all over ag-"

"I love you"

It came out hurried and frantic but still genuine.

"What?" he said, looking at her because he dared not believe it.

"I, Melinda May, love you, Philip Coulson" she said and this time it was slow and sweet.

"I-I don't, you-I" he stuttered.

"I don't love the doctor, I don't love Trevor, hell I almost hate him, I love you. I wish she was our child, not the product of a one night stand. Maybe in a different universe she is our child, maybe in a different universe I wasn't kidnaped, tortured, and held hostage because of the doctor and Qinna. But here in this universe, where all of this has happened, I want to start over with you"

"But your daughter-"

"Phil I lived for 3 years with you without you knowing she existed" then she looked down shyly "She's been bugging me to relocate here so I can live back at home with her"

"I'd like to get to know her more, she seems really sweet" he says and kisses her on the forehead. She relaxes at this small gesture. It's almost too good to be true. She feels like someone will pop up, ruining this small moment of pure bliss and say 'welcome to heaven'.

It feels almost like flying.

Free, weightless, happy, beautiful.


	2. CaptainHill-A Picture's Worth a Thousand

A picture is worth a million words they say. Whoever they are.

This picture is worth about 4.

It's folded up in his wallet. It fell out when he grabbed a condom.

Thank god he's gone.

The words could practically be written into the sketch.

_I still love you. _

She still loves him too but they were married for 2 years, dating for one before that and they still got divorced. She had to move to Belgium, he to Washington to escape each other.

She's a realist and she knows it will never work.

But he just left. She brushes their 'encounters' off to tension, stress at work, and the emotional weight of his search for Bucky.

Sharon and Pepper see through her antics. She still pretends they don't know she loves him. She can barely go out with them, they always pop up with Stark and Wilson, acting all coupley.

It hurts too see them happy, not that she doesn't want them to be happy, but because she can't be that happy. Now that Fury is gone, now that HY.D.R.A. is watching them, now that Steve has important things to do, it's her job to make sure Steve isn't compromised. He's the leader of the Avengers, she's the girl who does the paperwork, who works the scenes, who cleans up the mess.

He can't be compromised, she can't be busy.

'You can see in his eyes that he still loves you' they say but all she sees in his eyes are fights and broken glasses. They have happy relationships with Tony and Wilson, so in their world she should too.

She tried that but it failed epically.

She misses his cookies, his laughter during bad action movies, his hugs after a bad day at work, his cuddles in the dead of night where she is the only thing keeping him from the spirits of the past.

But she had let him go until that day when he showed up at Avengers tower, in Barton's truck when Romanoff had brought her and Barton had brought him to graffiti the tower.

When he looked at her for the first time since the helicarriers went down.

When she realized that maybe, just maybe she still loved him.

When she looked into his eyes and felt at home.

When she smiled at the sight of him.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Some of them are worth a thousand words.

This one's worth four.


End file.
